The Tease From Hell
by Captain Sid
Hustler Erotic Video Guide, January 1995
Screw the menu. Any true gourmand of gash will tell you Kristi Lynn's the best
dish in Smutville. Low sodium, zero cholesterol, absolutely no fat. What an
entree. Can't you imagine your teeth sinking into that marvelous
angel-food-cake ass? What delicacy could possibly compare? Beluga caviar? Lamb
cutlets? Dom Perignon '46? Balloons of brandy? Boxes of imported
liqueur-centered chocolates? Forget it. Kristi is God-given proof that the way
to a man's heart ain't through his stomach, but through his libido-with a
little help from the ol' wrist...and, yes, the trusty can of Crisco if you
can't cut the spit. Check her outstanding gang-bang with a screeching ass-fuck
in The Voyeur, as well as her nasty threeway with Jon Dough and bald-headed
black man David Pollman in Dog Wsiker, both from the perverted palate of John
Leslie. Other Kristi titles to add flavor to your life: Buttslammers 6 and
Buttman's Inferno...and we won't even get into the movies that haven't been
released yet. You'll just have to suffer.
So, would you mind explaining this "tease from hell" label you've been
crowned with? I mean, it's not like you're holding out; you usually give 150
percent in your videos.
KRISTI LYNN: I do. But after a certain period of time I tease the
costars of my videos; it's a torture-type thing. I just don't throw myself
right into the arena.
How long have you been in adult films?
LYNN: About a year and several months
Would you say your gang-bang in Leslie's Voyeur is one of the hottest
things you've done to date?
LYNN: It is. And I've heard the same thing from John Stagliano, Patrick
Collins, and others in the business. I mean, Stagliano said to me the other
day, "I have 200 videos here, and I couldn't get the energy you got in that
scene." But the story behind that was that it was my first gang-bang, and I'd
said I was never going to do that sort of thing. Then I decided I wanted to do
it for The Voyeur. John Leslie, you see, is the voyeur, he's shooting through
the camera. And we go into this bar, and we actually had 40 extras sitting in
there. So when we walked in, it really looked like we were going to play a
game of pool. Well, in porno, a typical situation is that you film the basic
shots with the extras in the background, then, when you go into something
heavy, you cut, the extras excuse themselves, and you go into hardcore. But
that's not how this scene worked. And that's why it's so good. So we're in
this bar, and my four male costars and I are getting into this petting and the
dicks start coming out, and I look at Leslie like "Okay, you're gonna excuse
everybody from the room," and Leslie smiles and slowly shakes his head. It was
like a live sex show. There were 40 people sitting there, watching me do the
Would you say that prompted you to go over the edge?
Oh yeah. I'm an exhibitionist. I got very turned on. And Leslie knew that. He
didn't tell me what was going to happen, but I didn't care. I trust John
explicitly. He's a friend of mine. I don't work with some directors in the
business because I know something like that would be intentional, their
attempt to pull the wool over my eyes. But I knew John was just trying to get
the best from me. And that's how he got it.
So where do you live these days?
LYNN: I live in San Diego. And then a lot of the time I live in Malibu.
Originally I' m from San Diego.
Can you tell us a little bit about growing up in San Diego ?
LYNN: Well, I was a straight-A student. I also played the violin. I was
the very, very good little girl-prima donna. And then I started my own little
venture by opening up an outcall bachelor service/dance company. After that, I
just kind of fell into porno, very accidentally-around the end of '92, the
start of '93.
What about your first sexual experience?
LYNN: My first sexual experience was with my neighbor-the boy next
door. I was leaving to go to the beach with my mother, and I went next door to
give him a kiss goodbye. We had been dating for quite a long time. I was 12,
and he was my little friend. Mind you, I moved out of my parents' house when I
was 14, so I've had a very long life-I'm 23 now, so you can add it up. It was
very painful and very bloody. I remember being sweaty, hot, and being in pain.
I remember getting up afterward, going to the bathroom and kind of being in
shock, and turning around and looking at the bed...and there was just this
pool of blood. I also remember coming out of the bathroom and going to find my
boyfriend-it had been his first time too. When I found him, he had his back to
this kitchen counter, and we're just kind of standing there...frozen. I
remember thinking, "Why do people do this?" Of course, over the years it got
I notice that you're a blonde in some of your features.
LYNN: But I'm a natural redhead. But at the beginning of '93, in all my
Vivid stuff, my Andrew Blake stuff, I'm a blonde.
What was your attraction to X?
LYNN: I'm an exhibitionist.
So you must also like doing the private-booth circuit?
LYNN: Yeah. Well, it's going to be my first time working booths, but,
as I've been telling everyone, that's kind of like a whore's mentality or a
dancer's mentality. It's a character. We all play characters. I'm an actress.
People say to me sometimes, "Are these scenes real?" Well, the truth of it is,
some of them are, and some of them are my job. My job is being an X-rated
When I watched you on the set of Buttslammers 6, that didn't look like
acting. That looked real. Still, it must have been pretty scary working
simultaneously with Bionca and Debi Diamond.
LYNN: The scene with Bionca and Debi was scary. I just had to really
turn it up. And I'm very intimidating to some other people, although I don't
try to be in a ferocious kind of way. But by nature I'm a very sexual person.
But with Bionca and Debi I knew I had to turn my intensity all the way up. And
as it turned out, we got an incredible scene. We met each other on the same
plateau and blended perfectly with one another; we were all right there.
How did you like working with Bruce Seven?
LYNN: He wrote this about me on his movie: "Also in this masterpiece of
debauchery we have the bitch-goddess Kristi Lynn learn that she should keep
her mouth shut. You've got to see this one." John Stagliano and I have been
dating for quite a while now, about three months. And Bruce does business with
John. So Bruce and I have a very interesting relationship. We're kind of tit
for tat. Had there not been a connection between John and 1, Bruce and I
probably would not have worked together. But we've come to a common ground,
and we're friends now. I just finished filming another Buttslammers with him.
I did a scene with one male, and then I did a little dance for Bionca and
Is it difficult to befriend your costars in the adult-video industry?
LYNN: The business is very strange between the women, because you're
there to work. Like you saw that Bionca and Debi and I got along to a certain
extent. But that doesn't mean we go out afterwards. It doesn't mean we're
friends. It doesn't mean anything like that. It means that there are certain
people that are on your same wavelength. Not that anyone's above or below
anybody. We're different people. We're all on different wavelengths. I do like
Alicia Rio a lot. I talk with her probably more often than with any woman in
the business. She's a really nice girl.
Have you done any DPs?
LYNN: Just stills so far. I just finished Sodornania 9 for Patrick
Collins, who said to me the other day, "Are you interested in doing a DP?" And
I said, "It's kind of like when you asked me if I wanted to shave my head.
It's all about money when it comes to something like that." Because sexually,
that's not something that really interests me. And I said, "For $2,500,
no...for 50 grand, I'll shave my head." I mean, if there's a big enough demand
in the public to see something, I'll give my fans what they want to see. But I
don't have any sexual cravings for DPs.
Anal doesn't seem to pose a problem for you-you've done a number of them
LYNN: This year I've done about six of 'em. But you see, in the
beginning, with all the stuff I did with Vivid and Andrew Blake and all of
last year's festivities, I never did any anal. I was the no-anal girl. As a
matter of fact, I did New Ends for Ed Powers, and it was his first anal movie.
He paid me an ungodly amount to do an exclusive anal for him. At that time, I
didn't do any anal with anybody else because, of course, no one could meet his
price. And my rate has pretty much stayed the same since I first got into the
business. I've done like maybe 43 things. You can compare me to some people,
and they've done like over 100 at this point. And I don't necessarily figure
that's the right way to do business. I think you should pace yourself. The
drugs...you know, that's one thing I always like to talk about. It's really
unfortunate. A lot of the times, the drugs really get to people. And I see
people's lives destroyed; they're destroyed. Women make irrational
decisions-they start getting on blow, they start getting on speed, they decide
to get boobjobs. This is our world right now. But in ten, 20 years it might
not be. And people get so wrapped up in the drugs, they make decisions that
they wouldn't make when they were sober. People go on the road. They spend all
their money. I mean, how many stories do you know of porno girls-feature
performers that were making 90 grand a year, dancing-and now they have
absolutely nothing. I mean, that's the result of drugs. And I don't do drugs.
I stay far, far away from 'em. I don't think there's any need for them.
You obviously love dancing,though.
LYNN: Well I took dancing for years when I was a little girl. And I've
always been a performer. I'm a vocalist as well. I plan-fingers crossed, knock
on wood-to go on a worldwide tour next year, singing. I write my own music.
I'm kind of going for a real big-band, Ella Fitzgerald kind of
Did you read the quote about your ass in the latest issue of HUSTLER EROTIC
LYNN: They wrote something about my ass?
Seth Roberts wrote "Buttmen will be lining up at their local video store
for the unveiling of this Picasso-like butt sculpture. Her seat cushion is so
big, so round and so fully packed that porn producers should make a mold of
her ass and paste this bumper on every girl who enters adult films."
LYNN: Thank you very much. I got shivers on that. That's very good. I
like that a lot.
Do you get a lot of comments about looking like a young Jackie Onassis?
LYNN: Oh yeah, yeah. Especially right when she died. I'd be walking
around the street and people's mouths would fall open and they'd say, "Do you
know who you look like?" There was a certain grace about her...Picasso-type
ass, huh? I mean, I really don't mind that.
Stagliano will appreciate that comment. How do feel about women's position
in porn? Do you feel men do, in fact, run the business?-that there's no hope
for the females to get some form of control?
LYNN: Well I never ask for equal rights. I just ask for us all to have
respect for one another. And I think that's what's important. I'm a
businesswoman. I've managed myself since the day I stepped into this business.
I have no agents, and no one's ever represented me. So from my perspective,
agents like Jim South and Reb, to me, they're the pimps of the business. I
don't like working for Buck Adams, you know. There's different situations. As
far as a stand in the business for women, I think there's a lot of times in
the industry that men feel they can get away with something. And the
unfortunate thing is that some of the women in the business, whether it's the
money or the schmoozing, they're willing to give in to that. I hear about
these girls who do six anals for $300, and I think that's bad business all the
way around. I charge way more than that for one anal. And I don't consider
myself a Savannah-type prima donna. I consider myself someone who keeps my
rates at a certain price, and if you want to work with me, then we'll do
How long do you intend to stay in X? Or is it fairly hard to predict?
LYNN: There's no way of predicting it. You know, videos to me are kind
of sliding out of my life. I'm on the beginning of a 20-week adventure in
dancing. And I had two huge feature films that were offered to me the day
before I left, and it was heartbreaking because to me...I've done plenty of
videos. A substantial amount. I always said in the beginning that it was a
means to an end. Which it really is.
To the musical career you plan?
LYNN:TO being a headliner. That doesn't mean I use the industry for
anything. I enjoy what I do in the industry. Since I don't have an agent, I
don't get sent out on all these little oneday wonders, you know. I try to be
really selective with who I work for and what I do.
Where do you see the industry headed? Do you think video is at its peak, or
on its way out, with the whole CD-ROM revolution?
LYNN:I think in a lot of ways we're going in the wrong direction in
porn. When I go to a porno store, I'd rather buy something from 15 years back.
I think that we should cut all this glamour crap and get back to sex. We
should stop shaving our pussies totally and completely. The guys should stop
shaving their ball hairs. What we're selling here is sex. And that's what I
try to give people in my scenes. I'm giving you sex. I'm not giving you this
attitude of "maybe we're going to have sex," or "well, I don't really want to
be here." A lot of the times I watch the stuff that comes out and it's
so...unrealistic. That's why I like Stagliano and Leslie. Their films are
realistic. It turns you on. You're kind of like "Wow, we're kind of like
sneaking." It's like total voyeurism. We're sneaking to look at this sexuality
so we can get turned on ourselves. But I really think we're going way too
high-tech. We need to go the other direction. We're having sex. Let's just